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ERASER: REBORN - by Joe Bob Briggs of Grapevine, Texas

About a hunnert years ago, a movie came out called "Eraser." The basic plot was about a FBEye agent who faked the deaths of witnesses so the mob wouldn't pursue 'em and turn 'em into former human beings.

That agent, in the movie, was Arnold Schwarzenegger. The latest former gun moll turned state's witness he has to rescue due to a botched erasin' job was disgraced former porn star and Miss America, Vanessa Williams.

Despaht this turkey bein' at best a 44 minute episode on Law & Order, Hollywood turned it into a two hour movie.

Nuff Sed.

Fast forward a quarter century and Hollywood, suffrin' from amnesia decahded a sequel to Vanessa Williams comeback film was in order, so they hired two former department store mannequins, Dominic Sherwood and Jacky Lai, to star in "Eraser:Reborn." I figger it's a ironic tahtle based on Ms. Williams lack of a career.

Bottom line. No plot to get in the way of the movie . . . jest lahk the riginal.

127 (and countin') dead bodies. Two breasts. Stilletto Fu. Messican Fu. Hippopotamus Fu. Gratuitous Rhino horn through the chest . . . with Rhino still attached. Drive-In Academy Award nomination to Clayton Evertson for fallin' out a window and droppin' at least six feet and dyin' anyways.

One star.

Joe Bob sez check it out.

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