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THE CITADEL - Good Name for a College

Given Priyanka Chopra turns strong men into sobbing puddles of lust, there might be fewer bad reviews of "The Citadel." Toss in hunky Richard Madden and cerebral Stanley Tucci and what's the matter with the new Amazon Original?

A lot, but derivation is the series biggest problem. It's "Star Wars" without the paradigm-shifting creative. Early on, during a reunion scene between Madden and Tucci, there was a pause, but fortunately Stanley (Bernard Orlick) did not say, "Mason, I am your father."

First to admit. Not every movie and/or TV show can be "Star Wars."

Another issue with "The Citadel" is a dependence on serial violence to carry the purloined plot forward. Should be numb to it by now, but the ignorance of the laws of physics by SFX vendors and directors is disturbing.

Oy. To the film.

Chopra (Nadia Sinh) and Madden are super-duper-secret agents of The Citadel, a super-duper-secret organization of international spies tied to no individual government. They're tasked themselves with doing good; rescuing puppies; and killing Central Casting former USSR extras.

Along comes Manticore, the super-duper-secret organization of bad guys. Much laughter ensued after the highly-regarded Leslie Manville (Dahlia Archer) is confronted by the Secretary of State and dismisses the stooge as she lays out the diabolical ongoing plans of this junior varsity, SPECTRE, of which she appears to be in charge.

Manticore, "The Citadel" version of the Dark Side of the Force wipes out, in a coordinated effort, the entirety of The Citadel's workforce. Thousands of L'Oreal models, and former Chippendales are cut down in a hail of silencers.

But wait. Obi-Wan has survived. Yes, Tucci is still with us.

Surrounded by his gun-toting ex-wife and her wife (Yes, the box must be checked), Tucci goes dark and hopes other agents of The Citadel survived the mass assassination.

And yes, they have. The train upon which Madden and Chopra were traveling in their latest Mr. and Mrs. Smith mission, blows up and incinerates everyone . . . except Chopra and Madden.

Miss Chopra, make-up intact, is rescued by an Italian (The train is speeding through Europe) lumberjack, who she perforates despite being her being shackled and outweighed by 200 pounds. Madden finds himself in Oregon, married and the Dad of an eight-year-old.

Circumstances take him out of domestic bliss and Chopra out of the black forest. By this time, the audience has grown weary of checking out the leading lady's haute couture and Madden's stubble.

A few Eastern European goons fill out the cast.

"The Citadel" is predicated on Chopra and Madden suffering the effects of amnesia.

Ironic. After two episodes the show is forgettable.

Prime Video.

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