A year or so ago, Chris Hemsworth, shot in the carotid artery; holes blasted in his chest; bones broken; etcetera, plunges a hundred feet or more into a river in southeast Asia. This was the denouement of Extraction, a decent action thriller.
It appears Hemsworth is dead.
But, of course, survives, when a five-year-old future L'Oreal model finds him washed up on the shore of a local fishing village. Immediately, the paramedics arrive (Really?); load him into a pristine ambulance (Really?); and drive to a high-tech hospital in the middle of some backwater.
Chris comes out of his coma after several days, and swarthy piece-of-ass, Golshifteh Farahani (She plays soldier of fortune and kick-ass babe, Nik Khan), tasks him with figuring out how and why he survived, uh, Extraction I.
Why to make the even more action-packed, badly-written, endlessly-violent sequel. Also, to pick up another large paycheck, and have the near normal female population of the United States swoon over him.
"Movies is magic," according to Cleavon Little in Blazing Saddles. Hemsworth is the beneficiary of the Let's Only Greenlight "Guaranteed" Hits mentality of Hollywood Studios.
The plot, for those of you who will watch the film, involves Georgian or Khazakstan terrorists. Hard to tell. Hemsworth (Character name is Tyler Rake) is convinced, by a nearly comprehensible Idris Elba, to break one unhygienic terrorist's family out of a Georgian, or is Khazakstan?, prison. Rake also has to off the father of the family, because, well, he doesn't bathe, shave, or eat properly. Those are the only reasons obvious from this Minotaur's Lair of a script.
Rake does, uh, extract Mom and two kids; beat 177 prisoners nearly to death; and ride a weaponized version of the Polar Express to its terminal with the family intact despite four million rounds of high caliber bullets, dozens of RPGs; and hundreds of mano-a-skanko knife fights between Ms. Khan and the entire linebacking crew of several NFL teams.
The train, like the script, crashes and burns.
Unfortunately nearly an hour of screen time remains. Rake reloads. Khan re-arms and fixes her hair and make-up. And the annoying son of the dead Georgian or Khazakstan terrorist continues to wonder why his Dad isn't on the military-grade train.
If anyone can figure out a reason for Extraction 3, please re-read the first few paragraphs of this review.