STILL LIFE: A THREE PINES MYSTERY What Happens When A.I. Writes A Script
Don't really think artificial intelligence wrote the script for this awful film. However, after laboring for 35 years in, and around the fringes, of Hollywood, there is little in Tinsel Town that is NOT artificial.
This movie has all the elements of a data input.
- Dead Body found in bucolic location
- Strange English Hamlet
- Population of the inbred
- Linear plot-lines pointing to Red Herring
- Character studies an inch deep
- Resolution involving a basement
- Resolution involving a mysterious room
- Resolution involving . . .
You get the point.
The performances are flat, unemotional, and a writer's and director's take on some thawed-out dialogue. The characters are the usual collection of secondary school studs and/or losers, homecoming queen(s), artistic hermits, a handsome chief constable, a pushy constable or three fitting into some category of autistic or incompetent, and a handful of superfluous gay characters necessary now to make the BBC green light the project.
It tabulates into such a wretched exercise in filmmaking that I won't even bother with the plot (Gosh, who would want to kill the authoritarian retired bitch of a schoolmarm?), or the stupidity of the Canadian Surete (Maybe it has something to do with the art contest in this small-minded and provincial town? What do you think, Chief Constable Hunk?).
It's on Acorn for those of you desiring a visual root canal.