THE HILARIOUS COVID-19 PANDEMIC - Day 1 - CT
Undercover in Connecticut - April 6, 2020
Manhattan has turned into the stupidest borough on the planet. We have left, but in disguise.
Rick Overton. A very underrated 80s comic built part of a solid seven (stand-up speak for the amount of time required for professional stand-up competitions) on a single line, "WASPs go back to your homeland! [PAUSE] Connecticut!" It was not until I dated the smolderingly beautiful Debbie Donia in 1981 that I understood. Debbie grew up in Wilton, Connecticut. An elegant town of largish homes on largish acreage. Homogenous. Prosperous. Industrious.
Yep. Homeland of the WASPs, of which I am one.
In the midst of this Covid-19 Dempanic, my wife and I rented a beachfront home in a town in the Yankee state. To avoid harassment by the neighbors and the fascist Democrats that control Connecticut, I might not name the locale.
The past three weeks have proven the degree to which the hysterics will listen to the officials who are dumber, for the most part, then the hysterics. Getting turned in by someone would not surprise me.
Should we finish our two month rental, you can look forward to 61 daily reports on our escapades in a place where the population density is about 1/100th of Manhattan.
Meaning we might not have to walk around looking like we're ready to scrub up for neurosurgery; receive groceries from a member of MS-13; and avoid Will Smith and a German shepherd.
We arrived on Day 1 without incident. No border guards on I-95. No neighbors in brown uniforms. No issues with grocery shoppers anxious to interrogate the non-locals. The most fascinating anecdote from Day 1 is the Dollar Store, a staple in the homeland of the WASP. Our $68 tab for cleaning supplies, groceries, toiletries, etcetera would have been triple that in Manhattan. At this rate, the rental will pay for itself.
Stay tuned for more communiques. If someone paints a six pointed star on the door of our temporary place, I'll tack up a note for them.
"It's a RENTAL, stupid! And I'm a communicant Lutheran!"
By the time they figure out what a communicant Lutheran is, it will be mid-June.