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TRY NOT TO ANNOY THE KANGAROO Walking the Donkey Down a Spiral Staircase


Excerpt 9 / Part 2 - How to Move a Donkey Up/Down a Spiral Staircase


    Two producers on the entire planet could get that 700 pound animal down the ramp, execute the shoot, and return the poor creature back up to his trailer.

     Phil Lofaro and Richie Zeifman.

     That’s the entire list. I would be able to do it about five years later, but not then.

     To whit;

     Phil arrived early outside the studio. The animal trainer with trailer in tow, pulled up a few minutes later. With Phil is the stalwart Cindy Sweeney, his coordinator, and a PA named Gregg Rosinsky (More on him later). I don’t know the exact details, but I know Phil. Through sheer force of will and character, and with the welfare of everyone in his charge including the donkey, he performed the difficult task of humanely moving the animal into the building and down the ramp. I know it.

     How did he do it?

     Phil had the studio install a series of switchbacks on the ramp. If you’ve ever seen a badly made film set in Mexico, shot sometime in the 1950’s you will have seen the poor beasts of burden laboring up and down the jungle hillsides. Prior to them falling into the abyss, or having their rides shot as in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, the burros would be blissfully strolling along a series of switchbacks, which reduced the incline and allowed the animal to more easily traverse the terrain.

     Same theory here.

     Phil then turned his attention to the shoot. When completed he led the way up the switchbacks to return the donkey safely.

Gregg sustained two puncture wounds in his shoulder when the donkey shoved Rosinsky up against the wall. Perhaps the animal had just seen Midnight Express?

     I won’t vouch for the trainer. Don’t remember the company that provided the donkey, however I find the people in that line of work care about their animals. I just wish they liked humans as much.

     I add this with as much bonhomie as possible. The ad agency and the clients, who wouldn’t move the precious shoot day to accommodate a better studio situation, didn’t lift a finger to help.

     They arrived, conveniently, long after the donkey was safely on the studio floor, but of course before breakfast. They also vanished before the plosive “P” in “WRAP!” filled the stage. The department heads avoided the situation like kryptonite too. Can’t say I blame any of them because that’s genuinely not their job.

It is, however, a testament to the resolve of the line producer to get the job done and take ownership of it. Like Suzy Miller, my choreographer, and the first line producer I witnessed in action, Richie Zeifman, I got to see the textbook example of responsible line production in Phil Lofaro.

     I would spend the rest of my career with him as a constant reminder of how to be a line producer, and while I didn’t always achieve perfection, I’d come awful darned close. Phil, in no small measure, guaranteed that effort by his own professional examples.

    Thank you.


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